Me and Moses

Another thing that made last week so crazy yet so exciting was that God, in his infinite mercy, has provided renters for our house in Jackson!  After being on the market for a year, we are just so grateful for this development.  And, as only God can do, the situation has worked to everyone's benefit to meet each party's needs.

So last week, we were not only handling the details of finding a new rental for us, but also the details of renting the house we own to others.  And it was in all those emails, phone calls, and details, that I was reminded yet again of my life's overarching sin pattern ... freaking out!  Yes, this comes as no surprise for those who know me, I am just one big ball of freak-out just waiting to happen.  You would think, looking back over the past year at the countless ways God has been faithful to us, and then seeing Him work in His sovereignty to provide for us through renting the house, that I would have been able to relax about all those details and say, "God, You've brought us this far and done so much, I know You can work out all these pesky details like insurance, deposits, and etc."

But no, I was one big ball of freak-out.

One particularly stressful afternoon found me running around the house, on the phone with one of those awesomely helpful customer service reps from a huge corporation (can you read the sarcasm there?) while toting around my poor child who was wearing only his diaper and drying remnants of poo and sneezed-everywhere-baby-food.  Why was I running around the house?  I have no idea!  Why couldn't I just sit down, breathe, bathe my child, and then talk on the phone like a sane person?  I have only one answer - I am big ball of freak-out and it exploded everywhere that afternoon.

However, this morning in my Bible reading, I came across a passage that made me think.  Moses was trying to lead that complaining bunch of Israelites across the desert from slavery to freedom and they decided they needed some MEAT!  So, what his reaction?  God had released them from slavery, parted the Red Sea, provided water from a rock and manna from thin air.  Did Moses come to God in trust and rest, knowing He would provide?

"Moses said to the LORD, "Why have you dealt ill with your servant? And why have I not found favor in your sight, that you lay the burden of all this people on me? Did I conceive all this people? Did I give them birth, that you should say to me, 'Carry them in your bosom, as a nurse carries a nursing child,' to the land that you swore to give their fathers? Where am I to get meat to give to all this people? For they weep before me and say, 'Give us meat, that we may eat.' I am not able to carry all this people alone; the burden is too heavy for me.  If you will treat me like this, kill me at once, if I find favor in your sight, that I may not see my wretchedness." (Numbers 11:11-15)


In other words, "God!  WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?! I cannot handle this!  JUST KILL ME NOW!"

I just had to laugh.  I feel like I come to God with same attitude all the time - "Lord, this is craziness!  I can't do this!"  Just one big ball of freak-out when I should be trusting His goodness to me.


All this reminded me of a Bible study I led once on John 10, the Good Shepherd passage.  In verse 3, Jesus says, "The sheep hear his voice, and he calls his own sheep by name and leads them out."  I remember studying that shepherds from that time really did have names for their sheep, and the names corresponded to some defining characteristic about them, like Black-Eared One, Spotted One, or Slow Poke.  I remember telling the ladies in that Bible study that my "sheep name" would be Freaked-Out One.


The glory in this is two-fold.  We are His sheep and He knows us through and through.  Therefore, I don't have to come to Him pretending that I have it all together.  I can come to Him, big ball of freak-out exploding all over the place or whatever.  But also, God sees who He created me to be - who I will be when I get to eternity, who, by His grace, He is making me into now.  In fact, Revelation says that when we get to Heaven, at the end of all our earthly battles, He will give us a new name (Rev. 2:17)  

Could it be that He will change my name from Freaked-Out One to Serenity?  Could it be that He is seeking to do that now, through whatever crazy, overwhelming circumstances I am faced with?  Could it be that this whole journey over the past year of moving, leaving, having a baby in "a new and foreign land," trying to sell a house, facing a round of lay-offs at Will's company, and everything else, could be Him teaching me to rest, to be content, to cast all my cares on Him, to "do all things through Him who strengthens me"? (Phil 4:13)


Yes, my soul says "Amen!" and I want to live today in the serenity of His presence and provision!