Baby Randomness

First of all, I think I deserve brownie points (or just brownies :) for typing this post with one hand. (Edited later to add: I actually only typed the first half of this post with one hand - Benjamin went to sleep after that I put him in his crib so I could type the rest normally. Also, a sweet lady from our church then brought us brownies that evening- wahoo!)

Second, isn't he just the cutest thing ever???

Third, none of the thoughts below were worthy of a post of their own, so I'm stringing them together in hopes that the sum will be greater than the parts ... maybe something more profound next week :)

1. Benjamin is outgrowing his newborn-sized clothes!!! the pajamas he's wearing in the picture above are newborn-sized and he can no longer straighten his little legs in them! Notice also that the sleeves are beginning to resemble the three-quarter-length style. Everyone told me how quickly he would grow, but I am still amazed!

2. Also related to the picture and pajamas above, we were wearing the baseball pj's in honor of the World Series. However, when Will had the first game on TV the other night and i walked into the room with Benjamin, he immediately started crying. So very soothingly I said, "Don't worry, Bud! Daddy and Mommy are sad that the Cubs didn't make it to the World Series too! But really, you're probably going to have to deal with this disappointment pretty often, so you can't let it get you down." I don't know that Will appreciated my less-than-optimistic outlook on the Cubs future, but I didn't want to give our infant false hope! :)

3. Over the past week, I've perfected "the walk" that will put Benjamin into a deep sleep within 5-10 minutes when he's fussy. As I walked with him this week, I thought I was tapping into my inner "graceful figure skater" (goodness knows the only "graceful figure skater" I have is the inner one) gliding across the living room in a slow, soothing motion. Anyway, one evening Will came home from work and had a chance to observe this great tool for comforting the little one. To my chagrin, he immediately noted that "the walk" reminded him of an Indian chief from the movies and dubbed me "Dances with Sweat Pants." oh well - whatever works, right?

In a former life...

In a former life, I thought I had a stressful job with lots of people depending on me. I wore high heels and eyeliner everyday. I thought it was "high pressure" when someone looked to me for an answer in a meeting or a solution to a problem on a project. I thought I had a lot to do and that I worked really long hours.

In a former life, I thought my job was rewarding when I walked away from an event that had run smoothly or a project that was finished successfully. I thought I was learning dependence on God when a mailing went awry or the centerpieces turned out poorly.

But now I know... that was nothing! I didn't know what it was like to have someone depend on me until the little one looked up at me from the bathtub with a look that said, "I hope you know what you're doing, Momma!"

I'm lucky if i get time to brush my hair or put real pants on in a day. And I feel that "high pressure" moment when our precious baby cries out in the middle of the night, and I need to figure out whats wrong ... hungry? dirty diaper? cold? hot? just needing a reassuring cuddle? caught some crazy killer jungle virus that's going to land our whole family on 20/20?

Needless to say, the hours for this job are much longer ... :)

and talk about learning dependence on God - whew!

But I've never had a job that's more rewarding than being Benjamin's mom!

"Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain.
Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain.
It is in vain that You rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil,
For He gives His beloved sleep.
Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,
the fruit of the womb a reward."
Psalm 127:1-3

Milestones

It seems too soon for little Benjamin to be having "milestones" already, but I guess time really does fly! At his two-week check-up, he was declared very healthy, with great color, and weighing a whole 8 lbs, 13 ounces. Yay for Benjamin! On Tuesday, he went for his very first walk at the park! It was a not-too-chilly evening and Dad and I both needed to get out of the house. Even though it was cloudy, the fall colors in the trees were beautiful and we all enjoyed it!

I tried to take some pictures of the trees, but since it was getting on towards dark, they didn't turn out all that great, but here's one of the marina...

When we got home, Benjamin was so exhausted from all the walking, that he took his first nap on the couch...


hahaha - just kidding - we would never just leave him to take a nap like that - but he was completely konked out after we got home and I just laid him on the couch temporarily when I took him out of his carrier ... then it struck us as so funny - his tiny little self laid out on the couch. He'll be all grown up in no time, and we just want to enjoy the days!

Gently Lay Your Head

In a previous post, I referenced the lyrics to "I am" by Jill Phillips, which begins with the lines

oh gently lay your head upon my chest
and I will comfort you like a mother while you rest

This has come back to me several times over the past week as we've been enjoying little Benjamin. I love that feeling when he completely relaxes with his little head on my shoulder - a deep relax that says he feels safe and at rest. He gets upset about things he doesn't understand - why it's necessary to change his diaper or take a bath - but then in those moments when he rests in our arms, he knows that he is loved and cared for.

It has led me to ponder that same dynamic in my own relationship with my Heavenly Father. There are things in life that I don't understand the reason for, and I get so tense and upset about them - why God led us so far from our families at this time in our lives. Or like last week, when I was so upset about having to be induced. I don't know all the reasons for anything, but God has showed Himself faithful to us over and over again. I want to be able to keep that attitude of rest - completely relaxing in His Presence, knowing that He knows much better than I do what I need - just like I know that Benjamin's diaper really needs to be changed, whether he likes it or not.

So this week, each time I enjoy that feeling of Benjamin resting on my shoulder, I am going to let it remind me to rest in God's Presence, giving over to him all the things that I worry about and knowing that His plan for me is so much better than my own.

He's here!

There just aren't words for how grateful we are to God for this little bundle!

After so much waiting and "angst in my soul" last my week, God was completely faithful in every detail. I need to make a list before the sleep-deprivation steals all those details from my memory, but I am just amazed at how God was there through every step of the way - and continues to be.

These verses from Psalm 138 were what I clung to on Thursday as we were making the decision about induction ... and now, I find them the cry of my heart as we embark on this journey of parenthood:

"On the day I called You answered me,
My strength of soul you increased.
The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me.
Your steadfast love O Lord endures forever
Do not forsake the work of Your hands." (v. 3, 8)

How amazing to know that God had planned Benjamin's birth before time began, and even now, He knows all of Benjamin's days. What an awesome God we serve!

Sometimes you have to just laugh...

Well, here we are ... still waiting for our little one to make his appearance in the world, and sometimes you have to just laugh to keep from crying. So, today, I've been trying to look at the lighter side of being sooooo pregnant... (disclaimer: much sarcasm to follow. I know, Mom - sarcasm is not a healthy form of communication. I'll blame it on the hormones)

- its been so nice to have cooler weather since I tend to be hot all the time. The only problem is the shoes ... If Will's not here to help me, you might just see me in flip-flops even when its 40 degrees outside. Its because I looked at my socks and tennis shoes and thought, "It's just not worth it."

- Prenatal yoga has been a great tool to work on breathing, relaxation, help circulation, etc. The only problem is the getting down on the floor ... how am I supposed to do that??? Most of the time, I just half-fall down and then have to roll over into a sitting position. Graceful? no. Accomplishes the purpose? yes.

- You know its time to have this baby already when the kids at church come up to you and place their hands gently on your belly. so sweet! Then, their eyes get big as saucers as they say, "There's one big baby in there!" I still haven't figured how to respond to that one ... :)

- I've decided that my nesting instinct is definitely expressed in cooking... over the last two days, I've made brown rice salad, mexican casserole, magic cookie bars, honey mustard dressing, blueberry muffins, and potato-corn chowder. Will has been particularly enjoying this aspect of the pregnancy.

- I'm starting to feel like a human parody of the saying "a watched pot never boils." I feel the need to start every phone conversation with "I'm not in labor" since I know that's what everyone wants to know anyway. I'm also realizing how clumsy I am - spilling things, dropping things, etc. - and how I seem to feel the need to meet every instance of my clumsiness with some sort of exclamation like "ow!" "oops!" "shoot!" or even the occasional c-r-a-p. I'm realizing this now because, every time I yell "aah!" from the kitchen, Will immediately yells back anxiously, "What's going on?" No labor, just spilled flour!

- Finally, I'm discovering that most cute maternity clothes are made for women who are about 8 months pregnant. There are very few of my maternity clothes that will even button around my belly anymore. If i get any bigger, I'll be reduced to wearing a Snuggie ... but never fear! They've introduced the designer Snuggie this year, complete with a great selection of animal prints! :)

On waiting...

It seems I've been doing a lot of waiting lately. Yes, for anyone who's counting, I'm now forty-one weeks pregnant. We're just waiting for our son to decide he's ready to meet the world. We're waiting for our house in TN to sell (please, Lord!) along with other more minor situations in our lives. I've been pondering much on the whole idea of "waiting on the Lord," combined with which, the ladies' Bible study I've been going to is studying patience. Ever feel like the Holy Spirit is saying the same thing to you at every turn?

I'm hesitant to write this post, because I know my thoughts on the subject are jumbled. Also because I just might have had an emotional breakdown this afternoon over continuing to wait for our baby to come ... even after a 2-mile walk at the park! So, I write not as someone who's learned her lesson, but as someone still struggling to come to grips with this in daily life.

"Waiting for the Lord" seems to be a theme in Scripture. Isaiah 40:31 says "But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint." What a promise! So, why is it that I am exhausted by waiting?

A quick search of the Psalms reveals even more of this theme...

Ps 27:14 - Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!
Ps 31:24 - Be strong, and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the Lord!
Ps 37:7 - Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices!
Ps 37:9 - For the evildoers shall be cut off, but those who wait for the Lord shall inherit the land. Ps 37:34 - Wait for the Lord and keep his way, and he will exalt you to inherit the land; you will look on when the wicked are cut off.
Ps 38:15 - But for you, O Lord, do I wait; it is you, O Lord my God, who will answer.
Ps 39:7 - And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you.
Ps 130:5 - I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I hope.

As I've pondered this topic, I've realized that I am profoundly lacking in patience. I do not like to wait - on anything! In fact, I think much of the "efficiency" and "ability to multi-task" which I have seen as positive qualities in my life, are really just veiled impatience. Write a quick email while I'm on hold; send a quick text while I wait at a redlight; how much can I get done while the dryer runs? I'm a big fan of using time wisely, but what's my true motivation for all this multi-tasking? The sense that waiting isn't getting anything done! And isn't productivity the greatest virtue?

And so, in this season of waiting, I sense I'm supposed to be learning something.

When we are called by God to wait on Him we are facing situations in which we are powerless (which, in reality, is every situation, isn't it?) Sure, I can eat spicy food or go for long walks to try to make labor to start. Sure, we can lower the price of our house again, email anyone who might be interested or have connections, etc. to try to find a buyer. But in the end, these efforts are fruitless if God has a different plan - like rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic, as Dr. Rogers would have said.

This realizing our powerlessness is actually quite a powerful force. How much more peace and joy would I have if I could sit in surrender before the Lord, waiting in faith for Him to act on my behalf, with no anxiety or angst in my spirit? Because the reality is that, in the end, God will answer. Not in my time, or in the way I wanted Him too perhaps, but He will answer in His infinite goodness. He does not abandon His children. He desires to give me the greatest gift of all - the gift of knowing Him! These periods of waiting drive me to His feet again and again and again and therefore, in the end, it doesn't matter when our baby is born or when our house sells (or how much I get done in a day), but do I know Him more intimately now than I did before?

Father, thank You that You love us even when we have angst in our hearts! Thank You for the situations in which we must wait on You so that we can learn to depend on You, learn who You are in Your goodness and power. Give me the grace to wait, the gift of patience.