You know you're...

Through the funny little moments of life lately, i've been contemplating posting one or other of these lists… "You know you're nine months pregnant when…"  or "You know you're the mother of an almost-two-year-old boy when…"  and then i thought what i really ought to do is combine them…

(And by the way, yes, I will be using the rather awkward phrasing of "almost-two-year-old" throughout this post because I have another six weeks or so before my little baby turns two and I refuse to rush that moment!  On the other hand, I will be rounding my pregnancy months up by a week or so, because, yes, lets get this over with already.)

You know you're nine months pregnant when getting up and down off the floor is quite an effort.
You know you're the mother of an almost-two-year-old boy when your days are filled with animal names and noises of all types, but especially his favorite, the monkey.
You know you're BOTH when in groaning with the effort to get up off the floor, your son says to you with great hilarity in his voice, "Momma Monkey!  Momma Monkey!"

Thank you, buddy.  That makes Momma feel lots better about herself.

You know you're nine months pregnant when your nights' sleep is full of bathroom breaks, leg cramps, heartburn, and incredibly vivid/disturbing dreams.
You know you're the mother of an almost-two-year-old when the Caillou theme song gets stuck in your head for hours at a time.
You know you're BOTH when your sleep, potty-breaks, leg-cramps, heartburn, and vivid dreams are all backed by the Caillou theme song … all night long…  i'm just a kid who's four … each day i learn some more…

Please somebody make it stop!

You know you're nine months pregnant when your days are more and more consistently filled with "pregnant brain" moments.
You know you're the mother of an almost-two-year-old boy when you intentionally take the route clogged with construction so that he can see the diggers and the dump trucks.
You know you're BOTH when you intentionally take the construction way … forgetting that your child is NOT in the car with you, and then persist in quick intakes of breath each time you see a construction vehicle, ready to call out, "Look, Buddy!  A digger" only to realize, again, he is not in the car with you.

I guess I can just enjoy listening to the radio while i sit in traffic pointlessly?

You know you're nine months pregnant when you cry at the drop of a hat… literally.  I mean, you're gonna have to pick that thing up off the floor!
You know you're the mother of an almost two-year-old boy when telling him goodbye elicits hugs, tears, and many repetitions of "wuv oo!  wuv oo!"  (translation: I love you)
You know you're BOTH when telling him goodbye means hugs, tears, and repetitions of "wuv oo" from BOTH of you!

You'd think I could pull myself together … I mean, I was going to watch a chick-flick with a group of sweetest friends!

You know you're nine months pregnant when the state of your house doesn't matter too much anymore … you just really need a nap.
You now you're the mother of an almost-two-year-old son when you have to make (at least) hourly decisions about the danger vs. fun factor of any given activity.
You know you're BOTH when your son makes up his own game that involves whacking a soccer ball with a soup ladle, and you figure, "Hey, he's having fun and I get to sit on the couch for a minute.  I'm gonna have two boys anyway.  I've gotta get used to things getting broken around the house."

What can I say?  I give you…

Ladle Ball!