But let me back up ... This week, Benjamin is learning to sleep without his pacifier. That blessed little chunk of green plastic worked like a charm for two months or so, but he is now aware of know when it falls out of his mouth, and since I can't go give it back to him every 30 minutes throughout the night, it was time for him to learn to do without it. So far, it's been going decently well - he's such a sweet, good-natured guy. But it is a tough thing to learn for a little person, and it's so hard to watch (or listen to on the monitor) him struggling to learn to go to sleep (read: screaming his lungs out for 10 minutes).
Last night, as he particularly struggled, I just hurt for him. I know that this is best for him, that he's learning needful skills, that this is going to make life better not worse, that this is not going to permanently damage him but instead make him stronger ... but he doesn't know that. And I just hurt for him.
And then I thought about the struggles and hardships in my life that I don't understand ... and I know God has a plan for my holiness, not my happiness. But last night, I got a glimpse of God's heart for his crying children. Even when He is asking us to walk through trials, He looks at us with eyes of compassion. He is not hardened to our cries, indifferent to our pleas, or frustrated at our helplessness. He loves us, as the perfect Heavenly Father.
I know that sounds basic, but it has been so comforting to me today.
And Benjamin woke up happy as a lark this morning, though in a slightly different position than we put him to bed.
Hey Valerie, thanks for sharing the insight God is teaching you through motherhood. :-) You encouraged me today.
ReplyDeleteCherie P
Valerie.. Beautiful reminder of how God hurts for us when we walk through hard times - even though He knows that is what is ultimately best for us.
ReplyDeleteI recall that training my babies to sleep without being dependent on "sleep aids" was sometimes a difficult lesson but such a crucial one. Hang in there - it will be so worth it in the end :)
I saw "Same Kind of Different As Me" listed in your book nook. I read that back last summer and enjoyed it very much - despite some tears :)
So good to hear from you, Cherie! hope you're doing well!
ReplyDeletethanks for your encouragement, Shannon - it's been a long week, but Benjamin is doing so good! And yes, I have truly enjoyed Same Kind of Different... heart-wrenching and challenging!